The wounded child inside many males is a boy who, when he first spoke his truths, was silenced by paternal sadism, by a patriarchal world that did not want him to claim his true feelings. The wounded child inside many females is a girl who was taught from early childhood on that she must become something other than herself, deny her true feelings, in order to attract and please others.
When men and women punish each other for truth telling we reinforce the notion that lies are better. To be loving we willingly hear each other’s truth and, most important, we affirm the value of truth telling. Lies may make people feel better, but they do not help them to know love.
There are people who will feel threatened by the idea of you liking yourself. This is because if you like yourself, you’ll believe that you deserve to be treated well, so you won’t tolerate it when they treat you badly, and they either don’t know how to treat you properly or don’t want to treat you properly, so they know you liking yourself means that you will invariably leave them or stand up to them. When somebody wants you to be insecure or to doubt yourself, it’s because they want to use those insecurities and doubts against you. To hell with those people. They don’t care about you. They just want to be able to treat you like dirt, and they’re scared you won’t let them, so go ahead, scare them; love yourself.
If life becomes hard to bear we think of a change in our circumstances. But the most important and effective change, a change in our own attitude, hardly even occurs to us, and the resolution to take such a step is very difficult for us.